I'm really worried about bees.

I've been taking a lot of my older posters/pictures down from my walls lately. They're just not me anymore, you know? So I've begun looking for new things to put on them. By combining my love of independence and the internet, I once again turn to Etsy. I'd write commentary, but isn't a picture worth a thousand words? (and I'm tired and lazy and in a bad mood and I don't want to say nice things about anyone)

1.

Julianna Swaney's at Oh My Cavalier!

2.

D. Ray at Groundwork.

3.

Yellena

4.

Little Robot


I like nature related art! Can you tell?

I'm 90% sure I'm going to get a job at a certain location (I don't want to jinx it) but soon I'll be able to buy these prints. And all around 20$ I CAN DO THAT. I CAN BUY ART.

    So, between the end of my courses and the beginning of my summer course (which is tomorrow) I've been reading a book on Peter Greenaway movies, which might help me understand what is happening in Greenaway movies, but probably not. Not that it really makes a difference. Anyway, because of the book I'm now listening to a lot of Michael Nyman. And I really love Michael Nyman. I want this man to compose the story of my life. And I want my life to be a Greenaway movie.
    Today I was in Yorkville on my way to an optometrist appointment and I saw Sean Ward talking on his cell phone, dressed in a nice suit and doing some serious business. It's nice to see how he's gone somewhere from selling his comic books on Queen Street.
    The optometrist appointment  was just a yearly checkup my eyes are fine. I go because my parents are willing to pay and I've got glaucoma from both sides of the family. But I'm fine, though I'm slightly myopic. Which isn't an issue because I only noticed it when I was in the doctors office and couldn't sell well with my right eye. Which means that one day I'll have to wear a monocle. Luckily, monocles are bitchin:






With a monocle I can be a villain, an adventurer, a lady, or all three!

I am motherfucking done.
And I even think I did okay.

To celebrate I:
1. Bought
    a. The Balcony by Jean Genet
    b. Qurelle of Brest by Jean Genet
    c. Recollection of the Golden Triangle by Alain Robbe Grillet
    d. Female Prisonder #701 Scorpion - Triple Feature Collection
    e. My mother's Mother's Day gift. Which was more of something I had to do than something I did to celebrate being done.
2. Will
    a. Socialize
    b. Read above purchases (exluding e)
    c. Watch the above purchase and more Derek Jarman
3. Unforuntately:
    a. Start my summer course on tuesday
    b. Have not yet gotten a job and need to find one
4. I do not have a job because:
    a. I applied at a lot of places that weren't actually applying (note to self - don't do this!)
    b. My previous work experience is not well known, and as my brother pointed out, sounds like it was probably made up
    c. I have to change my resume now to have the phone number of my previous employment to prove it exists
    d. I suck

ALSO I have Scarlett Johansson singing Tom Waits, which is god awful. And coming from me you know its bad. I'll probably delete it, but if any of you are interested, let me know.

To The Girl At My Philosophy of Feminism Exam Wearing A Shirt That Said 'CLITORIS.'

Touche.

Yours

Maddy


Tomorrow is going to be super sucky. From 12-2 I'm seeing Zorro, from 2-5 I have film review, from 4-6 is the only time I can contact my PHL267 Prof about a grade grievance and I have to be at my old high school for 7 because of my brothers concert.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STUDY UNDER THESE CONDITIONS.

EDIT:
These are my friends:

Maddy says:
it's quite lynchian
Q..."Reading, Writing, and Riddlin" says:
i don't know what that means
Maddy says:
it's good
Q..."Reading, Writing, and Riddlin" says:
but i love it wen you talk dirty
Maddy says:
oh yeah
Maddy says:
it's business time
Q..."Reading, Writing, and Riddlin" says:
i want to lynchian you up
Maddy says:
SEXY

I know it's still April but I won't be watching any more movies today, so this is a safe bet.




Movies in April
02 Chunking Express INI (Kar Wai Wong, 1994)
    Le Voyage Dans La Lune (Georges Melies, 1902)
    The Conjuror (Georges Melies, 1899)   
    Un Homme De Tetes (Georges Melies,  1898)
    Le Diable Noir (Georges Melies, 1905)
    L'Homme Orchestre (Georges Melies, 1900)
    L'Homme A La Tete En Caoutchouc (Georges Melies, 1901)
05 Into The Wild (Sean Penn, 2007)
09 Chacun Son Cinema INI (Miscellanous, 2007)
14 The Cabinet of Jan Svankmajey (The Brothers Quay, 1984)
     The Epic of Gilgamesh (The Brothers Quay, 1985)
     Rehersals for Extinct Anatomies (The Brothers Quay, 1988)
     Dramolet (The Brothers Quay, 1988)
    The Comb (The Brothers Quay, 1990)
    Anamorphosis (The Brothers Quay, 1991)
    Are We Still Married? (The Brothers Quay, 1992)
    Tales From The Vienna Woods (The Brothers Quay, 1992)
    Can't Go Wrong Without You (The Brothers Quay, 1993)
15  Nocturna Artificialia (The Brothers Quay, 1979)
    Edward II (Derek Jarman, 1991)
    The Angelic Conversation (Derek Jarman, 1985)
    The Tempest (Derek Jarman, 1979)
16 A Journey To Avebury (Derek Jarman, 1971)
     Garden of Luxor (Derek Jarman, 1972)
     Art of Mirrors (Derek Jarman, 1973)
    Caravaggio (Derek Jarman, 1986)
    Jubilee (Derek Jarman, 1977)
    Underworld (Emir Kusturica, 1995)
23 Of Freaks and Men (Aleksei Balabanov, 1998)
24 Maidstone TH (Norman Mailer, 1970)

I'm not doing the commenting because
a) I have an exam in 5 1/2 hours
b) I saw a lot of short films in a short period of time and don't remember my exact feelings on them. I mean, I liked all of them, but next time I'll take notes.

Also:
Most of you would like Jubilee and if you haven't seen Of Freaks and Men yet mental_picture you should.

    I am completely in love with these Christian Louboutin shoes and the ad campaign that accompanies them (done by my bbf David Lynch). Even though they aren't realy shoes and it's not a real ad campaign. It has the Lynchian elements that I loved (strange lighting, overall sinister feel, naked women) and the shoes are absolutely amazing. Especially because you would never be able to wear them. I don't think they're even designed to be worn on human feet.



    I've recently started turning really girly and started caring/wanting shoes. But what shoes do I want? The ones that you can't actually wear. I suppose I could always hang them on a wall or something...

    The rest of the ad campaign and close ups of the shoes can be found here. NSFW whatsoever. Which is why I didn't post my favourite images here. I love David Lynch and how he always goes into categories that you would not automatically associate with him. Like fashion. And putting women's underwear in his mouth.

    More info here.

    So, a few entries ago I mentioned that our internet was acting wonky. The wireless would only work occasionally and we had no control over it.  Now, it wasn't the end of the world or anything, but we needed to get it fixed. So last night I spend 4 hours on the phone with Sympatico and Linksys trying to figure out the problem. Sympatico said it was Linksys' problem, and Linksys said it was Sympatico's. It was eventually determined that our seven year old modem can't actually work with the 1 1/2 year old Linksys and only now, after a year and a half of working is it now an issue. I really can't handle talking to these people. They're nice and all, but our problems are never straight forward and I spend half the time on hold. After four hours and five people we were about to give up. And it took those four hours and five people for us to realize that the issue is with the machine, not the connection. So we just ended up buying a new modem with the wireless installed in it from Sympatico. And during the process of trying to 'fix' the internet it now doesn't work at all. So I'm at E.J. Pratt updating my lj. The people I talked to were nice, the Sympatico guy assured me that Sympatico's goal was customer satisfaction, but I was just so damn tired and frustrated that I didn't care. And the Linksys guy kept asking a lot of stupid questions, like whether I had tried hooking up a wire from the wireless device to the computer. Why would I do that? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the wireless device? And when I did do it, it didn't help.
    But why is the process of getting computer help over the phone so emotionally draining? I was fine until I had to get my Mom back on the phone to do the money stuff. When I explained to her what had happened I burst into tears. And I was completely fine on the phone a minute ago.
    So the internet is not working but a new modem is on the way. And this morning the lock on the front door seized up so we can't use the front door anymore. First my Ipod, then the internet, now the door. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?
    Actually it's a good time for this to happen. I now have no reason not to study. The internet, which is my biggest time waster is out of order. I doubt that will motivate me and I'll spend all my time reading Ibsen, but it's a nice thought.

    ALSO: SPRING - WHAT HAPPENED? We had two days of moderate weather and now it's summer all of a sudden. Did I do something to offend you? I know you're my least favourite season and all, but really, I'd still like to see you. I need to learn how to cope, you know? And this probably wouldn't be a bad spring either. No big changes to freak out about.

    STILL no job interviews. Starting to worry. Just need to chill. It's only been a week.

    Oy.

Things I Have Done Instead of Studying For Exams
- Read Ice by Anna Kavan
- Watched Dexter
- Watched Battlestar Galactica
- Watched The Sopranos
- Listened to the Carpenters
- Planned a mini belated birthday celebration for Jamie when he came over on monday to watch Battlestar Galactica. Bought a cake, made up the board, etc. He enjoyed it. Especially because the card contained five bucks. This is why you should write your birthday on our calendar.
- Looked at bad Swedish album covers.
- Got a pedicure

All of this would be an issue except I have an absurd amount of time until my first exam and I'm probably going to wait until the last minute and then kick myself for wasting all this time listening to the Carpenters. And on my philosophy exam when they ask me an essay question I'm only going to be able to write the lyrics to 'Superstar.'

    My internet has been acting wonky lately, and by wonky I mean not working at all. Which is bad because I've been obsessing over constantly checking my email. I've been applying for jobs and have been desperately hoping to hear back from anyone. Of course when I applied for these jobs only four of them were actually hiring so I shouldn't be expecting much. And one of the places I'm not going to work even if they do hire me. The woman was really strange, incredibly rude and accosted my for wanting to work part time in the summer. Like, what the fuck lady. Anyways, I've only had one job in the past, but it was in the middle of cottage country and no one knows what the fuck it is. So my work experience doesn't count for much. I don't have that much luck in the job department at the moment. And I'm really not sure what I'm going to do if I don't hear from anybody. Take flattering hipstery pictures and apply to American Apparel?

    So after much, much consideration we're finally getting a dog. And by finally getting a dog I mean we picked out the dog we want, named her and paid for half of it. Her name is Murphy and she's some kind of labrador, but redish. So I guess a red lab, or something. The family's ecstatic, especially my brother who has asked me at least three times what I think of the dog and if I'm excited, but I'm not, really. It won't be my dog and I really don't care what it does. But it will be nice for my Mom to have something to do instead of obsessing over my life. When I was a kid, like all kids, I would have killed for a dog. I've grown out of it, but the family finally getting a dog is a big deal. It's been about 15 years in the making. In the end it was Mom's decision (as it always was) and it will be her dog. I hope my brother realizes that.

    In other exciting news I saw hardcorefraggle on my way to Beyond Mozambique. I enjoyed seeing both of them.

OKAY I GOT PICTURES

    If I could be anything for purely aesthetic reasons, I would be a nurse. Not a modern day nurse, but an old nurse. Like from WWI or WWII. I know that I shouldn;t want to be anything from either of the World War's, but the nurses were all just so damn cool. They had these great outfits - starched white dressed, black shoes, weird looking caps and those capes. Who wouldn't want to wear a cape?
    Check out this description of the boss uniforms:

Until 1990, nurse uniforms were mostly dresses. Before 1940, nurses had to wear wool dresses that went down to their ankles. After the 1950s, most uniforms were white knee-length dresses.
Faculty member Judith Harris said when she graduated from nursing school 30 years ago, nurses were supposed to stand at attention any time the physician entered the room. Now, she said, that doesn't happen...She said a man modeled present-day scrubs worn by nurses because the profession has changed over the decades.
"Nursing is not only for females anymore," Carey said.
She also said much of nursing work cannot be done in skirts anymore.
Before 1980, nurses also wore caps as a part of their attire.

    If something can't be done in a dress, than I don't want to do it. Sure, the nurses uniform signified their inferiority to the male doctors, and therefore females in general. But if you go around dressed like that, who cares? And the entire era is so glamorous. I could walk down rows of beds filled with dying soldiers with my cap and all white dress and look so good. And, you know, helping people. At the same time I wouldn't want to be a modern day nurse. There's not as much glamour there, and to be honest I just want the outfit. For a modern day nurse the pay and hours aren't great, and who wants to wear scrubs all the time? That's not glamorous no matter how hard Gray's Anatomy tries to make it. But an old fashion red cross nurse is awesome. Especially because recently I've really been loving the red cross (see icon) aesthetically.
    Come to think of it, the only thing I liked about Atonement was the outfit Birony wore.
    Actually, if my background in the sciences wasn't so lacking, I would have considered being a nurse actually. I think it's a really noble job and I could, possibly, be up for it. But my image of a nurse is the one in this poster: needed, important, beautiful. In reality the job would be heart breaking and disgusting. And being on the front during a war? I don't think I could really handle that. And as just mentioned, nobody wants to be a nurse now.   
    All the decent jobs I want I only want them for the wrong reasons.

Hell yeah. TOO BAD IT PROBABLY WON'T HAPPEN.
More here.

    ALRIGHT SO I AM DONE. Assignments. I still have four exams, but the first one is on the 30th so I have about two weeks to kill.
And what am I doing to kill those two weeks? Well, let's just say I got every Derek Jarman movie from Robarts today. That's what I'll be doing.

    My brother came down with the flu on friday, but it was only a 24 hour bug and he's fine now. My Dad got it too and he's still pretty bad despite having it for over 24 hours. Which is weird because my Dad is home all the time and looks like death, which he generally does not. I'm terrified I'll get it because right now is a bad time to get sick, especially if it lasts a long time. I am so afraid of having to miss an exam for a medical reason. And not being able to study because I've been vomiting for the past five days. Most likely that won't happen, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it now does it?

    My Ipod broke a few weeks ago, so I sent it in and they sent me a refurbished Ipod in return. Which also broke a few days after I got it. When my Dad and I (who was sick, but insisted on coming anyways) (which is probably why he's still sick because he insists on doing things while my brother slept in to 4 in the afternoon when he was sick) were at the Best Buy returning it there was this massive prick trying to get his XBox 360 fixed. The guy didn't know if he had gotten it at Best Buy or Future Shop, didn't have a receit, didn't have a warrenty and was getting all high and mighty at the sales clerk for telling him this. The guy kept making snarky comments about 'you call this customer service' and getting outraged that his XBox stopped working after only having it for a year. This really pissed me off because:
1) The guy was doing his job. It's not his fault you don't know the rules so don't take it out on him. He's treating you a lot more civily that you deserve.
2) The man with an Xbox clearly didn't know the rules. Best Buy isn't going to just fix it for you because it happens to be broken. It has to have come from their store and you have to have the warrenty, let alone the receit. It's not a repair shop, it's a business. And it's been working like this for at least five years. Get your head out of your ass.
3) Most electronic gadgets last for a year. It's all junk. Why do you think they keep bringing out new models? If the old ones were perfect, they'd never make any money.
    Anyways, the guy was a douche bag and a prick and I hope he has to buy an entirely new system. I was wondering who acts like this, but then I remembered what Best Buy we were at and what neighbourhood that was located nearby AND IT ALL MADE SENSE.

    So, I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to spend the next few days watching homoerotic Shakespearan adaptations.

GUYS I HAVE A DILEMMA.

On my final I am so close to being finished last project my sources contradict each other. It's on Leni "I was never a Nazi what did I do wrong I don't even know who Hitler is why are you talking to me" Riefentsahl. Now, her memoir makes her to be as pure as the virgin snow, another one makes her to be the worlds biggest slut machine and the other doesn't really care.
I'm thinking of just saying that 'sources dispute' over what exactly happened in regards to her vagina (thought more academically) and that we'll never really know.
Is that okay? I mean, I really don't know what else to do. Especially because it's due tomorrow and I just started today and I have 3480 words to go.

It should be okay.
It's okay. It's okay.

I'm here working and my Mom comes up with the paper.

"Hey Madd, I thought you might be interested in this article about a baby born with two faces."

She knows me too well.

Here's the story. It's a happy one.

Things To Know

1. I have the same birthday as Slobodan Milosevic. Which I think trumps my mother having the same birthday as Saddam Hussein.

2. Pareidolia. I has it.

3. Sleep paralysis. I don't has it.

4. I'm almost done my film assignment, which is good.

5. I have three other essays, a project and a test all due within two weeks, which is bad.

6. I've been listening to a lot of yé-yé music.

7. Hopefully soon I'll be doing things other than work, not doing work and looking at stuff on the internet.

1. Threadless wall graphics. I really love Threadless, but I haven't bought anything from there in about two years. It got to the point where I had too many t-shirts from that place, and I really don't need that many t-shirts. I think I have about 7, and that's just too many for me. I still read the newsletter, but rarely am I compelled to buy another one. Maybe I've just grown out of them. Anyways, I really like their wall graphics. They have a few of my favourite designs (including one which I have on a shirt) and I spend my time looking at them and going 'That would look great over there!'

2. Toybreaker Ties. I don't wear ties, and probably never will. But this store makes me want to be an old man. I mean, I do already, but it really makes me want to be an only man. There's something about hipster ties that just gets to me. They're pretty and look nice. And are 30.00 which is a lot of money on something I'd never actually wear but show it to people who come over and they can all exclaim how cool it is and how I should wear it and I'll be all 'I know! I just haven't found the right outfit!' and when I'm old and haven't talked to my family in years I'll die and I'll give it to my nephew who I've never talked to. I love the smart squid ones. And the sucker ones. And the other sucker one. And this medic one, which is super sexy and I wish medics would wear this. But medics don't wear ties anymore. Which is a realy shame.

3. Paraphernalia jewelery. I rarely wear jewelery. But I really like this stuff, especially these brooches which are all wonderful. But I think it's more me wanting to be one of them than wear them. Ms. Coeur de Leon? Right on. And the Anatomica Heart Necklace? So there.


  Sometimes my own uselessness boggles my mind.

  Before tutorial today I went to kill some time in the Manulife Centre. I bought a chocolate chip muffin and a pom tea for lunch from the Valu-Mart in the basement. I always buy my lunches in grocery stores because they're always infinitely cheaper and I can always find something that I want and it gives me a superiority complex against people who pay 7 bucks for a sandwich at Starbucks. And Valu-Mart muffins are super delicious and cost 89 cents. Anyways, after I bought them I went to the second floor of the Manulife (or 1st if you consider the floor the Valu-Mart is on the basement) and sat down on one of the empty tables. Now the tables are reserved for L'Express customers (so the plaque on the table told me) but it wasn't particularly busy so I didn't think anyone would mind me sitting at a table that I shouldn't be sitting at.
  After eating my muffin I attempted to open up the pom tea. It has a top that you have to pop open with the tab. I couldn't do it. I was trying really hard not to make a lot of sudden movements with it because I didn't want the liquid going everywhere, but the damn thing just wouldn't come off, so eventually I gave up and thrust it open and half the tea/juice came spilling out. On the table. On the chair across from me. On the floor. On the plaque that said only L'Express customers can sit here.
  I can only assume this was my punishment for sitting there.
  I got some napkins (from L'Express) to clean it up and left. When I was outside I took a sip and spilled more on me. Clearly I am completely incompetent at things to do with pom tea. But now I have a lovely glass to commemorate the occasion.

  I've been having a lot of trouble getting books on Leni Riefenstahl for my Berlin assignment. I've checked in three U of T libraries (Pratt, Kelly and Robarts) and I've only been able to find two in Kelly, both published before the 80s. On the website Robarts says they have plenty, but I've gone a number of times this week and they just aren't there. It's ridiculous. This is the third largest library in North America and they don't have a single book on this woman? Stupid other U of T students doing projects on her at the same time and taking all the books. Anyways, after my pom tea debacle I went to the Indigo at the Manulife and got two biographies on her. I can never handle paying 20 bucks for a single book. I've spent too much time buying books at BMV, Eliot's and the U of T college book sales that Indigo is just ridiculous overpriced for me. I'm glad I got the books though, but while looking around I saw they had quite a few Dennis Cooper books (and by quite a few I mean about 6, (two were the same book) which is more than I was expecting, which was none) which I would have rather bought, but Leni's a priority nowadays. And all the other assignments I have to do.

  And speaking of Robarts yesterday I went with a friend to look for more Leni books with. We were on the 13th floor and decided to look out the window, or try to find the window to look out of. We found one, we looked and were about to leave when I noticed one of the conference rooms. Robarts has plenty of these, some of which you can reserve, others you don't have to. This was in the latter category. I looked in (to see what they were like) and saw that someone had put up paper against the window and while looking at that I heard a noise. I stopped and pressed my ear against the door, as did my friend. What I had heard sounded like a moan. From pressing against the door, I confirmed it was a moan. A number of them. And panting. tee hee
  One day I'll have sex in Robarts. Just you wait.

  I really can't handle classes being over in two weeks and there still being snow on the ground.

  And guess who we did in English tutorial: